Christmas Shopping

If you’re anything like me, you finished your Christmas shopping last month. My presents are wrapped, and cards written, just waiting for the Big Day.

I realise, however, that some people don’t do all of their present-buying in October, and I know that some of my friends are struggling with the amount of “compulsory” December spending.

In my office alone there are two Christmas lunches (£25 and £14), and an ice-skating trip (£18) as well as a general Secret Santa (£10) and a bargain one for just our cohort (£1).

That’s £68, before we even get a drink.

 

Then there are presents for family and friends. This year I’ve cut down on gifts for other people; I’ve bought things for my parents, my little sister and my godson, but nothing for the extended family. None of my friends are getting presents either. What a tight-fisted shopaholic, hey?

 

Well, I’m not expecting presents from those I don’t buy for. It’s a mutual agreement.

I stopped giving and sending out Christmas cards a while ago, too. It seems like a generational shift. None of my friends post me cards, but I still get them from aunties and uncles, godparents and long-time-no-see family friends.

These days the price of a stamp is surely prohibitive for most people. A pack of 10 Oxfam Christmas cards is £3.99. Even if you sent everything second class, at 50p a go, the stamps for those cards will cost you a fiver. So that’s £9 for cards to ten people. Supposing I sent a card to each of my Facebook “friends” that would set me back £221.

As for gifts, my advice is to set your budget before you shop. Don’t go rushing out to the shops on Christmas Eve, desperate to find something. The sales assistants know you’re desperate.

A couple of my favourite sites for Christmas prezzies:

http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com

 

Unless you’re shopping with me in mind, in which case:

http://www.tiffany.co.uk/

http://www.linksoflondon.com/gb-en/online-shop/women

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Day 71: Control Freak

Are you taking me seriously?

I’ve said it before, but I’d like to reiterate that an addiction to shopping is similar in many ways to other well-known addictions. It’s not fun, or light-hearted or even to be smiled upon and indulged by others. It doesn’t come from nowhere; there’s always a reason.

This is not just buying the odd thing you don’t really need, or a big shopping splurge. Being a real shopaholic means that your life is totally consumed by it. Addicts devote huge amounts of time and energy to it. Some are bargain-hunters, and spend hours hunting for the cheapest version of a product. Others are serial buy-and-return types. Still others never actually buy very much at all, but spend so much time window shopping or browsing online that it dominates their life. Of course there are some who do spend in an out-of-control way, buying regardless of product price or bank balance. These people end up in crippling debt, all as a result of their “fashionable” addiction.

Shopaholics are not taken seriously, instead they’re derided or glamorised. Unlike alcoholism or an addiction to narcotics, there is no compassion for those “greedy”, “silly” or “materialistic” (usually) women who over-shop.

“Having more things means enjoying life less.”
– April Benson, PhD

There’s a vicious cycle to the addiction.
When I get upset or stressed out I buy myself a treat (or ten) to cheer myself up. Buying more “stuff” makes me feel like a failure, and rocks my financial stability. I get upset and stressed. I’ve lost control.

I feel rubbish when I lose control; in fact, I’m a control freak. I’m extremely uncomfortable when I’m not able to direct my life, like a play.

Getting dumped, being made redundant or losing a loved one; these are the kind of thing we can’t do anything about. I handle this kind of situation spectacularly badly. I try to find a reason, or some way that it was “my fault”. At least if it’s my fault, that means I can just go back and change whatever I was doing wrong, and then everything will be alright again.

Sometimes the company you work for can’t afford the staff salaries. Sometimes he’s “just not that into you”. Sometimes someone dies before you get a chance to tell them how much you love them. It’s not in your sphere of control; there’s nothing you can do.

When things like this happen, joy and self-esteem are sapped, and I snap. I shop. I think it will bring me joy, boost my self-esteem. Perhaps it will give me back control; over what I look like, what I own. The reverse is true. The cycle begins.

Life’s sometimes like a pressure cooker, and it’s tough trying not to explode.

Somehow, you have to release the tension. Whether that’s through exercise, yoga, meditation or whatever. Just please don’t make the mistake of thinking that a trip to the shops will help. It won’t.

Day 65: One More Addiction

Anyone got any (metaphorical) nicotine patches or AA tips? I’ve been feeling pretty self-satisfied with how little I’ve bought since I started this challenge, but now I’m starting to get the come-down jitters.

Last weekend I went home to see my parents, and had a wander around the shops with Mum.
I suppose this would be the equivalent of putting a recovering alcoholic in a brewery, or someone trying to quit smoking in a room full of smokers.

Everything is so beautiful! The shops glitter with Christmas party dresses. Gorgeous winter woollies in Fairisle knit just make you want to snuggle up in hibernation.

To me, every item promises new life. A new running kit will mean that you suddenly LOVE going to the gym. Home accessories like cushions and candles will make you feel cosy and warm. A stunning dress will make you feel like a million dollars.

When the products on the shelves call to me like this, it can be hard to ignore. It’s all rubbish, of course. You get a temporary lift, a little boost as you tell yourself the benefits of what you’ve just bought. It’s all a trick, though, isn’t it? The retailers want me to think that every item offers a new beginning, rather than being just another “thing”.

At home this weekend, we exchanged Christmas wish lists. I had to divide mine into the slightly more realistic, and the nigh-on impossible.

My real Christmas list has some fairly mundane items on it, like slippers (let’s turn the heating down now, girls). I’d also love a new pair of running leggings, since I left mine behind in a hotel room when I was away with work, and haven’t been able to recover them.

The dream list? How I’d love to fill a shopping trolley with the contents of a Fat Face store. Oh, and if you’re offering, I’d be chuffed with a new smartphone, a MacBook Air, a sunny holiday, and an obscenely cool SLR camera. What’s that? You weren’t offering? Oh, darn.

Shops make me feel like my desire is normal; as though all these things are attainable. ‘What do you mean you haven’t got a few grand spare to spend on gadgets and clothes?’ they ask, ’What’s wrong with you?!’.

Each time the latest version of a gizmo is released it makes the problem worse. The poorest in society fall one step further behind. The gap between the ‘haves’ and ‘have-nots’ widens. We seem to be obsessed with having the latest, to hell with the cost and how much money we actually have.

I’m angry, to tell the truth. I’m angry that I’m made to feel dissatisfied and inadequate, because I can’t keep up. I’m angry that people struggle to do so, when there’s absolutely no need. What made people think it was unacceptable to go to a friend’s house for a cup of tea, rather than meeting in an overpriced coffee shop? Who does it benefit when a new trend is decreed each season? Why do we feel worthless and do ourselves down, just because we can’t adhere to the fashion dictators’ rules?

I’ve got no solutions; every tweak that Apple makes will indoctrinate people into wanting to needlessly spend hundreds of pounds. For some, it will cement a feeling of alienation from a society that measures a man’s worth by how much he owns.

I think you just have to be wary, and be fully aware that it’s the ad man’s job to convince you that your self worth depends on buying that product immediately.

You can choose not to buy something, not because you can’t afford it, but because you know that you haven’t been sucked into the crazy vortex. And as you walk past that item, choosing not to buy it, you can have a cheeky little smile to yourself, feeling just a little bit smug and self-satisfied.

Take that, Ad Man!

Day 64: Confessions of a Shopaholic

A friend of mine has asked me to publicly own up. I have behaved terribly recently. I have completely blown the budget. I confess, I am a shopaholic, and I have slipped up. I am embarrassing myself in front of you all in the hope that I won’t be so bad in the coming month…

1. Winter boots

2. Cord skirt

3. Birthday present for my cousin

4. Phil Collins’ Hits (revision, strangely, has turned me into a Phil Collins fan!)

5. Brrrr, it’s cold. Gloves, please!

6. Brrrr, it’s cold. Earmuffs, please!

7. Brrrr, it’s cold. Woolly tights, please!

8. Brrrr, it’s cold. Jumper, please!

9. Brrrr, it’s cold. Thick socks, please!

As you can see, a crazy month. . . I just went a bit mental and lost track of my spending.
An addiction to shopping is like any addiction. Even when you admit your problem, you’ll always be a “recovering addict”. There is, as yet, no cure.

Day 59: Freebies!

I’m very snobby about “free” music. Let me just say it outright: illegally downloading music is theft. It’s no different to walking into HMV and walking out with a CD without paying. I’m not setting out to offend you, but if you illegally download music you are a thief, and therefore (in my opinion) immoral.

How ridiculous that I anticipate that being a controversial statement. I suppose many of you have stolen music before, and now feel a bit upset that I’m calling you a dirty little thief. Well, I’m making no apologies, so if you’re really offended, either get over it and read on, or navigate to a different website.

Great, now that’s over, let’s get on to the real topic for today.

One of my favourite musicians (Back Ted n-Ted) recently released his album in the UK for the price of pay-what-you-want. Radiohead did the same five years ago. Oh boy, it’s just so tempting to pay nothing, isn’t it? After all, he’s offering us that choice. If he didn’t want us to get it for free, he’d set a price. No? Well, perhaps he knows that if the price sticker read £9.99, people would just nick it instead. Perhaps “something”, be it 1p or twenty quid, is better than nothing at all.

A couple of years ago, in Berlin, I went to a great little wine bar called Perlin. Their pricing strategy was exactly the same. You went up to the bar and requested whichever wine you felt like. You walked away from the bar, glass in hand, no worse off. The idea was that at the end of the night you put into your empty wine glass as much as you felt like paying.
I guess the owners hope that by the end of the night, their slightly merry clientele will be slightly over-generous.
Sometimes it didn’t work that well. My friends and I took a mathematical approach, giving a glass of wine an average “price” and multiplying this by the number of glasses drunk. Our problem was not being able to remember how many glasses we’d had. . .
Well, Perlin has been going for thirteen years now, so it’s working somehow. I’d recommend it if you’re in Berlin.

When the recession first kicked in I read an article about a restaurant in the UK like this. They tempted in city workers for lunch, promising a meal for whatever price the customer felt that the meal and service merited.
Unfortunately, it didn’t work at all. Brits started leaving offensively small amounts. They saw it as a free meal, rather than looking at the family, struggling to keep their business afloat, trying to innovate to survive.

So, to the crux of the matter. Many of my friends are young, skint and in debt. Do we pay what we think the music, wine or meal is worth? Or do we milk the foolish sellers for as much as we can get? It’s not so clear cut, of course. It’s a personal decision, and most of us will probably opt for a price influenced by several factors, in between
1) the optimum price (free!),
2) what we can afford and
3) what we think it’s worth, or what the artist/seller deserves.

I hope that’s given you some food (and wine and music) for thought. Thanks for reading.

Day 52: Just when I was doing so well…

Just when I was doing so well… THIS HAPPENS!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Google, how could you do this to me?!

 

Day 51: Plan A

Are any of you also part of the see it-want it-get it brigade? I certainly was, and it’s taken quite a lot of hard work to change that. Now I just see it-want it, and feel rather disappointed I can’t get it then and there.

So, can I ever buy what I want, or am I doomed to eternal frustration?

Of course I can still buy things, even outrageously expensive things, if I so desire. I just have to make sure that I have the money to do so before I hand over the plastic, rather than guiltily stressing out afterwards. The new mantra is want it-save for it-get it.

Let me give you an example. There’s something I’ve wanted for a long time, but thought I’d never realistically be able to afford. Well, two things actually. Flights to America and to Cambodia.

Unlike, say, a new laptop or even a car, I can’t write down the exact price of these, because they’re constantly changing. This would be the first step: write down how much the thing you want costs. Whether it’s a mansion in the centre of London, or something much smaller, you need to have an idea of the cost, so that you have something solid to work towards.

Secondly, we need a time frame. For me, I know that I can get flights much more cheaply if I go before I reach 26. That gives me around 650 days to save. On the basis that I go before I turn 26, a rough estimate would be £800 for Cambodia and £500 to the US.

Thirdly, get out that calculator! In my case, to save £1,300 in 650 days would be £2 per day. So, roughly the price of a cup of coffee.

Depending on your personal situation, you might need to switch the last two points over. For example, if you know that you can only afford to save a very limited amount per month, you’ll have to work out your time frame on that basis.

 

Now then, do we all have a chubby pink piggy bank to pop in those pounds every day? A daily act of physically putting aside the cash would be reasonable for something like a meal out, or a new pair of jeans, but I’d probably need a life-sized piggy to save for my ambitions.

A better idea for me is a savings account and a standing order. It took me about two minutes to set mine up. I have the set amount going out from my current account on the first day of the month; then I have a leftover amount to live off for the rest of the month. If I forget all about the savings account for the next 650 days, and do absolutely nothing else, I will have amassed enough to see my family in Cambodia, and friends in the States.

It’s something I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to do, but as the sand grains slip through the hourglass, slowly but surely, I’ll get there.

Day 43: The Yo-Yo Diet

“Shopaholic”, I hear you cry, “have you gone on a diet?”. Well, my friends, in a way. It occurred to me earlier that this cut-back exercise is quite like a diet in some respects; a self imposed restriction on things I like.

Given the similarities, are there lessons I can learn from yo-yo dieters, without making the mistakes myself?

The yo-yo cycle often occurs because dieters are so strict with themselves at the start. The effort is so extreme that is is completely impossible to sustain.

Likewise, I found my sudden halt in spending pretty tough, and have a longing for some former favourites. I miss flicking through a magazine, buying into the latest trend, enjoying a large glass of Chilean Merlot on a Friday night. It’s oh-so-tempting to slip back into old habits.

Initially, dieters feel great; they’re looking forward to the weight loss, and they’re proud of themselves for shunning the sugar. As time crawls along, though, it seems harder to sustain. Tired and fed up, they reach for a pick-me-up: food.
Again, I relate to the experience; I felt very self-satisfied with my initial budget-slashing, and looked forward to watching the debt diminish and the savings stack up. When I passed the first thirty day marker, still in debt and still running a deficit, my motivation wavered. I felt like reaching for my equivalent of the dieter’s chocolate bar: the shops.

So, having failed, and feeling upset, the dieter eats more and more until they regain the weight they lost (and usually a bit more).

And here’s the lesson. Now that the initial excitement has passed, and I am in the humdrum period of living with less, how do I ensure I do not slip backwards?
Already I’ve clocked myself casually buying tea at Pret-a-Manger and “forgetting” my packed lunch. It’s so easy to forget how quickly all those “little extras” used to kill off my cash.

Perhaps the trick is to treat myself with non-monetary rewards. Here are a few of my practically free treats:
1) Time spent relaxing is pretty cheap; a candle-lit bubble bath, chilling out in front of the TV, doing the crossword and listening to the radio are all pretty much free, and are all amongst my favourite things to do!
2) Living in one of the most hectic cities in the world is fantastic, but escaping to the country is a retreat, and another cheap thrill. Just looking at the sky and the stars, listening to the birds sing or breathing in the heady fresh air all make such a difference; I know it sounds clichéd and trite, but it’s true.
3) Unfortunately for the real yo-yo dieter, food is a great pleasure, and as I’ve learned, doesn’t have to be expensive to taste delicious and be nutritionally balanced.

“Joy” comes in all kinds of guises, and what qualifies for my list won’t necessarily be on yours. One thing’s for sure, though. Having a few reliable freebies on the list, whatever they may be, certainly helps the shopaholic to cut back!

Thanks for reading,
Xx

Day 41: Savvy saver or massive miser?

Searching for inspiration for more cost-cutting tricks, I just came across a forum on loo roll use.
Come on, hundreds of people spending hours discussing how to minimise toilet paper use? One, gross, and two, get a life!! Perhaps this is the signal to prompt me into taking my cost reduction exercise more seriously. On the other hand… No. Just, no.

More seriously, I did come across a couple of more useful ideas. One with remarkably higher success rates than I expected was haggling.

The money saving expert website did a poll of 2,544 people, where at least 100 attempted to haggle in each store. In Comet, B&Q and Currys/PC World 78% met with success.

Could I do it, though? It takes a certain chutzpah to even attempt to barter, which I’m just not sure I have.

The easiest place to barter, I find, is my local market. The greengrocer has an easy, flirty rapport with his customers and often offers a “discount” (either to shift produce nearing the end of its life, or where the so-called “discount” is no such thing). The irony, of course, is that the greengrocer’s margins are much slimmer than the major supermarkets’, where I would never dare to barter.

If you’re interested, though, the poll found 60% luck at Asda, 58% at Tesco and 54% at Sainsbury’s. So, if you’re confident enough, it’s certainly worth a try. The worst outcome will be “no”.

The cashiers at the supermarket checkout are usually in no position to offer a discount, while 10% off a single sale would have a negligible result on their finances. On the other hand, the greengrocer is autonomous enough to gauge what effect a discount would have on his profits. One discount could be damaging to his finances, yet could keep customers loyal.

Personally, I don’t have the audacity required; I’d hate the humiliation of trying and failing at the supermarket checkout. I’d hate the awkwardness of requesting a further discount on already bargain prices from the greengrocer.

 

If you’re brave enough, though, go for it. You’ve got nothing to lose.

Day 39: Hello Boys!

When I first started writing this blog, I blithely assumed I’d get many times more female readers than male. I cemented my own prejudice with a pink logo and background, and pictures of young women laden with shopping bags.

So it has been surprising to find that men have been telling me how they enjoy my writing, and that they relate to the subject matter.

I consider myself a feminist (it’s not a dirty word, y’know), so it’s incredibly embarrassing for me that, without thinking about it, I equated a lack of self-restraint, and the inability to manage money, with being a woman. I suppose it has just been ingrained in me that women go out to shop, vainly buying fripperies, while men do not. Ouch.

I’m shocked at my own prejudice. Lloyds TSB issued their ’Family Savings Report’ last month. It showed that when women are in charge of household finances, 91% of families hold savings, whereas the figure goes down to 82% when men take on the role.

The report also showed that it is women, more often than men, who take charge of the household budget. 52% take control of making detailed future plans for savings and 54% pay day-to-day bills and keep track of spending.

So, do I have any excuse at all for my extremely un-feminist view that women shop and spend more than men?

Women certainly do have expenses that men do not. Biology plays its part (I’m thinking of everything from sanitary products to bras), but so do the demands of society. Haircuts, make-up, ever-changing fashions, handbags, nail varnish? Not things that every woman relishes spending her hard-earned cash on, but often bought out of a sense of simply having to do so, to keep up or fit in. Women’s magazines are forever promoting the “payday splurge”, reinforcing the notion that women cannot, or should not, get on top of their personal finance.

Increasingly, though, men are coming under pressure to look good, too. The fashion industry is starting to pay more attention to trends in menswear, and cosmetics advertising is beginning to target men more often.

Debates on the question of whether women’s lives are more expensive often suggest that men have other expenses that women do not, citing technology and cars. Perhaps I’m just being hyper-hypocritical here, but I find this argument extremely patronising. My iPad, smartphone and my gorgeous car, for example, are among my favourite possessions.

So, whose lives are more expensive? Or does it all even out in the wash?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below, or write on the Facebook wall.
Xxx