Christmas Shopping

If you’re anything like me, you finished your Christmas shopping last month. My presents are wrapped, and cards written, just waiting for the Big Day.

I realise, however, that some people don’t do all of their present-buying in October, and I know that some of my friends are struggling with the amount of “compulsory” December spending.

In my office alone there are two Christmas lunches (£25 and £14), and an ice-skating trip (£18) as well as a general Secret Santa (£10) and a bargain one for just our cohort (£1).

That’s £68, before we even get a drink.

 

Then there are presents for family and friends. This year I’ve cut down on gifts for other people; I’ve bought things for my parents, my little sister and my godson, but nothing for the extended family. None of my friends are getting presents either. What a tight-fisted shopaholic, hey?

 

Well, I’m not expecting presents from those I don’t buy for. It’s a mutual agreement.

I stopped giving and sending out Christmas cards a while ago, too. It seems like a generational shift. None of my friends post me cards, but I still get them from aunties and uncles, godparents and long-time-no-see family friends.

These days the price of a stamp is surely prohibitive for most people. A pack of 10 Oxfam Christmas cards is £3.99. Even if you sent everything second class, at 50p a go, the stamps for those cards will cost you a fiver. So that’s £9 for cards to ten people. Supposing I sent a card to each of my Facebook “friends” that would set me back £221.

As for gifts, my advice is to set your budget before you shop. Don’t go rushing out to the shops on Christmas Eve, desperate to find something. The sales assistants know you’re desperate.

A couple of my favourite sites for Christmas prezzies:

http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com

 

Unless you’re shopping with me in mind, in which case:

http://www.tiffany.co.uk/

http://www.linksoflondon.com/gb-en/online-shop/women

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Day 76: The 8p Voucher

So, today I got handed three different vouchers with my supermarket receipt.

Voucher 1:

9p off per litre of fuel when you spend £20 on toiletries and healthcare

To make a saving: buy more than 222 litres of fuel (in one go, of course)

Voucher 2:

8p off per litre of fuel when you spend £20 on clothing

To make a saving: buy more than 250 litres of fuel (in one go, of course)

My car holds 47.7 litres. So I’d have to bring along 5 and a quarter of my little cars to make my money back (assuming I’m not that into the supermarket’s fashion range). Who has 5 and a quarter cars?!

Voucher 3:

Literally just an 8p voucher.

Come on, supermarkets. . . Are you just trying to bamboozle people who aren’t accountants?! I don’t actually want twenty quid’s worth of toiletries, or of supermarket-branded clothing! I certainly don’t want to have to bring my own fuel tanker along to the petrol station to just break even on your super-generous offers. . .

Your vouchers are going straight in the bin. Stop wasting paper, stop wasting my time, stop giving me stupid 8p vouchers.

Thanks!

Day 71: Control Freak

Are you taking me seriously?

I’ve said it before, but I’d like to reiterate that an addiction to shopping is similar in many ways to other well-known addictions. It’s not fun, or light-hearted or even to be smiled upon and indulged by others. It doesn’t come from nowhere; there’s always a reason.

This is not just buying the odd thing you don’t really need, or a big shopping splurge. Being a real shopaholic means that your life is totally consumed by it. Addicts devote huge amounts of time and energy to it. Some are bargain-hunters, and spend hours hunting for the cheapest version of a product. Others are serial buy-and-return types. Still others never actually buy very much at all, but spend so much time window shopping or browsing online that it dominates their life. Of course there are some who do spend in an out-of-control way, buying regardless of product price or bank balance. These people end up in crippling debt, all as a result of their “fashionable” addiction.

Shopaholics are not taken seriously, instead they’re derided or glamorised. Unlike alcoholism or an addiction to narcotics, there is no compassion for those “greedy”, “silly” or “materialistic” (usually) women who over-shop.

“Having more things means enjoying life less.”
– April Benson, PhD

There’s a vicious cycle to the addiction.
When I get upset or stressed out I buy myself a treat (or ten) to cheer myself up. Buying more “stuff” makes me feel like a failure, and rocks my financial stability. I get upset and stressed. I’ve lost control.

I feel rubbish when I lose control; in fact, I’m a control freak. I’m extremely uncomfortable when I’m not able to direct my life, like a play.

Getting dumped, being made redundant or losing a loved one; these are the kind of thing we can’t do anything about. I handle this kind of situation spectacularly badly. I try to find a reason, or some way that it was “my fault”. At least if it’s my fault, that means I can just go back and change whatever I was doing wrong, and then everything will be alright again.

Sometimes the company you work for can’t afford the staff salaries. Sometimes he’s “just not that into you”. Sometimes someone dies before you get a chance to tell them how much you love them. It’s not in your sphere of control; there’s nothing you can do.

When things like this happen, joy and self-esteem are sapped, and I snap. I shop. I think it will bring me joy, boost my self-esteem. Perhaps it will give me back control; over what I look like, what I own. The reverse is true. The cycle begins.

Life’s sometimes like a pressure cooker, and it’s tough trying not to explode.

Somehow, you have to release the tension. Whether that’s through exercise, yoga, meditation or whatever. Just please don’t make the mistake of thinking that a trip to the shops will help. It won’t.

Day 70: Getting on Like a House on Fire

When I was little I had a recurring nightmare. My Mum and I were trying to escape a burning building, while being chased by a scary figure. Several floors up, all the stairways were blocked, but we couldn’t use the lifts. I was, and still am, pretty terrified of fire. I think this is fairly understandable. After all, when out of control, fire is deadly.

Let me ask you, then, the clichéd question. Imagine your house is on fire. Imagine that all humans and animals are safe. In this hypothetical scenario, you can only save three things. What do you go for?

When researching this post, I came across a whole range of different ideas.

In no particular order:

Photo albums
Boxes of trinkets
Baby books (or first pair of shoes, etc)
Paintings
Playstation
Mobile phone
Kindle
First or favourite teddy bear
Laptop/ hard drive
Watch/ jewellery

Did that give you any ideas? Had you already thought of some of the above?

Obviously, in a real fire, you’d be in a state of panic; I might think to grab my handbag, which contains ID, access to cash, and my mobile phone. Other than that, though, I’d just be concerned with getting out.

There are lots of possessions which are important to me, though, of course.

I have a charm bracelet, which has been added to since my eighteenth birthday. Each charm added represents a milestone or special occasion in my life. Perhaps, with difficulty, it could be replaced, by repurchasing a similar chain and trinkets. Really, though, it wouldn’t be the same.

I also have a few things that belonged to my late, biological, father; his copy of The Lord of the Rings, a bible he gave me for my Christening, a fountain pen he gave to my uncle for his birthday.

Over the years I have created a kind of scrapbook, with letters and cards, and pictures my sister made for me when she was little. This would have to be in my top three!

Lots of my music and photos are now in "the cloud", so my priorities have changed on that score. I suppose that's the reason so many people choose their laptop or hard drive; now that our lives are digitised, it would be a devastating loss, if you didn't have a back-up (outside of the burning house).

Looking around my room, though, I don’t see much that would be irreplaceable.

Bed, printer, alarm clock, cosmetics, clothes? Whatever.

Actually, if I got the "replacement cost" insurance money, I'd have a whale of a time walking around Covent Garden compiling the new contents of my wardrobe. Upgrading to the latest versions of all my electrical goods wouldn't bother me too much either. Equally, choosing new decorations and knick-knacks for my bedroom would be my idea of heaven.

Oh no, look what I've gone and done now! I've potentially made myself look so materialistic that I'd enjoy setting fire to my home!

I'm begging you, please don't think that! Admittedly, I would love being given the opportunity to overhaul my wardrobe, redecorate and refurnish, or invest in a new bookcase full of tomes. I certainly wouldn't give up the irreplaceable things in my life, though. A home holds memories as well as those nostalgic trinkets. Even now that many of our possessions reside in "the cloud", we don't. Experiences like your first bungee jump or sky dive or a gap year travelling can't be replaced (although, to be entirely fair, couldn't be saved from a fire either!).

I don't want you to think that I'm criticising all material possessions; I certainly have my fair share. However, given that my main purpose in writing this blog is to reconsider the way I live, and what I spend my money on, I hope that this thought exercise provides a useful opportunity to consider what is most important to you. It may well be a Kindle, iPad or Playstation, and that's fine, I wouldn't berate you for it!

I also don't want you to think that I'm being all high and mighty, looking down on you. I'm honestly not. I just wanted to point out that some things are replaceable, while others are not.

Mulling on this might influence what I spend my money on. How about you?

Thanks for reading. xxx

Day 65: One More Addiction

Anyone got any (metaphorical) nicotine patches or AA tips? I’ve been feeling pretty self-satisfied with how little I’ve bought since I started this challenge, but now I’m starting to get the come-down jitters.

Last weekend I went home to see my parents, and had a wander around the shops with Mum.
I suppose this would be the equivalent of putting a recovering alcoholic in a brewery, or someone trying to quit smoking in a room full of smokers.

Everything is so beautiful! The shops glitter with Christmas party dresses. Gorgeous winter woollies in Fairisle knit just make you want to snuggle up in hibernation.

To me, every item promises new life. A new running kit will mean that you suddenly LOVE going to the gym. Home accessories like cushions and candles will make you feel cosy and warm. A stunning dress will make you feel like a million dollars.

When the products on the shelves call to me like this, it can be hard to ignore. It’s all rubbish, of course. You get a temporary lift, a little boost as you tell yourself the benefits of what you’ve just bought. It’s all a trick, though, isn’t it? The retailers want me to think that every item offers a new beginning, rather than being just another “thing”.

At home this weekend, we exchanged Christmas wish lists. I had to divide mine into the slightly more realistic, and the nigh-on impossible.

My real Christmas list has some fairly mundane items on it, like slippers (let’s turn the heating down now, girls). I’d also love a new pair of running leggings, since I left mine behind in a hotel room when I was away with work, and haven’t been able to recover them.

The dream list? How I’d love to fill a shopping trolley with the contents of a Fat Face store. Oh, and if you’re offering, I’d be chuffed with a new smartphone, a MacBook Air, a sunny holiday, and an obscenely cool SLR camera. What’s that? You weren’t offering? Oh, darn.

Shops make me feel like my desire is normal; as though all these things are attainable. ‘What do you mean you haven’t got a few grand spare to spend on gadgets and clothes?’ they ask, ’What’s wrong with you?!’.

Each time the latest version of a gizmo is released it makes the problem worse. The poorest in society fall one step further behind. The gap between the ‘haves’ and ‘have-nots’ widens. We seem to be obsessed with having the latest, to hell with the cost and how much money we actually have.

I’m angry, to tell the truth. I’m angry that I’m made to feel dissatisfied and inadequate, because I can’t keep up. I’m angry that people struggle to do so, when there’s absolutely no need. What made people think it was unacceptable to go to a friend’s house for a cup of tea, rather than meeting in an overpriced coffee shop? Who does it benefit when a new trend is decreed each season? Why do we feel worthless and do ourselves down, just because we can’t adhere to the fashion dictators’ rules?

I’ve got no solutions; every tweak that Apple makes will indoctrinate people into wanting to needlessly spend hundreds of pounds. For some, it will cement a feeling of alienation from a society that measures a man’s worth by how much he owns.

I think you just have to be wary, and be fully aware that it’s the ad man’s job to convince you that your self worth depends on buying that product immediately.

You can choose not to buy something, not because you can’t afford it, but because you know that you haven’t been sucked into the crazy vortex. And as you walk past that item, choosing not to buy it, you can have a cheeky little smile to yourself, feeling just a little bit smug and self-satisfied.

Take that, Ad Man!

Day 64: Confessions of a Shopaholic

A friend of mine has asked me to publicly own up. I have behaved terribly recently. I have completely blown the budget. I confess, I am a shopaholic, and I have slipped up. I am embarrassing myself in front of you all in the hope that I won’t be so bad in the coming month…

1. Winter boots

2. Cord skirt

3. Birthday present for my cousin

4. Phil Collins’ Hits (revision, strangely, has turned me into a Phil Collins fan!)

5. Brrrr, it’s cold. Gloves, please!

6. Brrrr, it’s cold. Earmuffs, please!

7. Brrrr, it’s cold. Woolly tights, please!

8. Brrrr, it’s cold. Jumper, please!

9. Brrrr, it’s cold. Thick socks, please!

As you can see, a crazy month. . . I just went a bit mental and lost track of my spending.
An addiction to shopping is like any addiction. Even when you admit your problem, you’ll always be a “recovering addict”. There is, as yet, no cure.

Day 56: Money Saving Expert @Home

As Savvy-Saver-In-Training, I’m an apprentice to anyone who’ll have me. This time, I looked to Martin Lewis of MoneySavingExpert.com for help.

Their “Money Makeover” has eleven tips in the “household” category which, they claim, can save you upwards of £6,750.

1. Gas and electricity

• The problem is that I’m a renter in a shared house. I’ve no idea how long I’ll be staying in my current pad, and to get the cheapest deals you need to tie yourself in for at least two years, or incur early exit fees that negate the benefit of switching suppliers in the first place. Secondly, opting for direct debit gives you great savings. Unfortunately, I can’t rely on my housemates to transfer the money before the bill leaves the joint account. Every time we accidentally fall into the overdraft, we incur a £25 fine, which also negates the savings you get initially.

Savings: Nil

2. Food shopping

• The argument goes that we’re all duped by the supermarket. We are too thick to understand that just because something is “three for two” doesn’t necessarily make it a great deal. Apparently we’re comforted by the words “discount” and “savings”, too blind to read our shopping lists (because we’re all doing shopping lists now, boys and girls, aren’t we?).
• As I’ve written about my food shopping before, I’ll leave you to read my other posts on this subject.

Savings: £50/month

3. Council tax

• It’s said that 400,000 homes are in the wrong council tax band, and are paying too much. Within minutes, you can check how much all of your neighbours are paying, to give you an idea of whether you’re one of the 400,000. I clicked onto direct.gov.uk and had a nosey to see what the houses around me were paying. With the exception of one house, which has been extended, and is now much larger than all the rest, we are all in the same band. No savings to be found here, then.

Savings: Nil

4. Home phone & broadband

• MoneySavingExpert says that you don’t need to pay any more than £15 per month to get top-notch telephone and broadband. Well, now I feel like a numpty. I did a lot of scouting around a couple of months ago, trying to get the best deal for our house. Orange was the one I settled for, and they charge us £25 per month for high speed broadband and unlimited phone calls at any time. The only upside I can see is that at least our bill is divided by three, so I’m only paying £8.83 each month. Ah well, you win some, you lose some.

Savings: Nil

5. Childcare costs

• Alleluia, praise the Lord! Not applicable.

Savings: Nil

6. Cut boiler cover costs

• Fortunately, my landlord is responsible for our boiler repair (which is rather frequent, in my house). No savings for me.

Savings: Nil

7. Free international calls

• I don’t make any international calls, but if I did, I’d use Skype anyway.

Savings: Nil

8. Calling mobiles

• My mobile contract gives me more free minutes than I use, and our home phone gives us free calls to mobiles.

Savings: Nil

9. Should you use a water meter?

• Already got one.

Savings: Nil

10. Cut your digital TV costs?

• We only have Freeview, which, as the name implies, is… free.

Savings: Nil

11. Direct debits

The instruction is thus:

“Being a Cancellation Hero is simple: unearth EVERY wasted regular payment and stop any you no longer need or use. “

As I’m pretty hot on keeping my finances in order (if not in the black) I’m well aware of what each of my direct debits is for. On the website people complain about having paid white goods insurance for over five years, without even realising! I’m not sure how you could do this, but I, for one, do not.

Savings: Nil

Well, Mr Lewis. I’m not very impressed with your eleven tips. You told me I would save seven grand, but the only saving I’ve made, I was already doing, without your help. Sigh. Still, I hope this has helped someone.

Day 52: Just when I was doing so well…

Just when I was doing so well… THIS HAPPENS!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Google, how could you do this to me?!

 

Day 43: The Yo-Yo Diet

“Shopaholic”, I hear you cry, “have you gone on a diet?”. Well, my friends, in a way. It occurred to me earlier that this cut-back exercise is quite like a diet in some respects; a self imposed restriction on things I like.

Given the similarities, are there lessons I can learn from yo-yo dieters, without making the mistakes myself?

The yo-yo cycle often occurs because dieters are so strict with themselves at the start. The effort is so extreme that is is completely impossible to sustain.

Likewise, I found my sudden halt in spending pretty tough, and have a longing for some former favourites. I miss flicking through a magazine, buying into the latest trend, enjoying a large glass of Chilean Merlot on a Friday night. It’s oh-so-tempting to slip back into old habits.

Initially, dieters feel great; they’re looking forward to the weight loss, and they’re proud of themselves for shunning the sugar. As time crawls along, though, it seems harder to sustain. Tired and fed up, they reach for a pick-me-up: food.
Again, I relate to the experience; I felt very self-satisfied with my initial budget-slashing, and looked forward to watching the debt diminish and the savings stack up. When I passed the first thirty day marker, still in debt and still running a deficit, my motivation wavered. I felt like reaching for my equivalent of the dieter’s chocolate bar: the shops.

So, having failed, and feeling upset, the dieter eats more and more until they regain the weight they lost (and usually a bit more).

And here’s the lesson. Now that the initial excitement has passed, and I am in the humdrum period of living with less, how do I ensure I do not slip backwards?
Already I’ve clocked myself casually buying tea at Pret-a-Manger and “forgetting” my packed lunch. It’s so easy to forget how quickly all those “little extras” used to kill off my cash.

Perhaps the trick is to treat myself with non-monetary rewards. Here are a few of my practically free treats:
1) Time spent relaxing is pretty cheap; a candle-lit bubble bath, chilling out in front of the TV, doing the crossword and listening to the radio are all pretty much free, and are all amongst my favourite things to do!
2) Living in one of the most hectic cities in the world is fantastic, but escaping to the country is a retreat, and another cheap thrill. Just looking at the sky and the stars, listening to the birds sing or breathing in the heady fresh air all make such a difference; I know it sounds clichéd and trite, but it’s true.
3) Unfortunately for the real yo-yo dieter, food is a great pleasure, and as I’ve learned, doesn’t have to be expensive to taste delicious and be nutritionally balanced.

“Joy” comes in all kinds of guises, and what qualifies for my list won’t necessarily be on yours. One thing’s for sure, though. Having a few reliable freebies on the list, whatever they may be, certainly helps the shopaholic to cut back!

Thanks for reading,
Xx

Day 39: Hello Boys!

When I first started writing this blog, I blithely assumed I’d get many times more female readers than male. I cemented my own prejudice with a pink logo and background, and pictures of young women laden with shopping bags.

So it has been surprising to find that men have been telling me how they enjoy my writing, and that they relate to the subject matter.

I consider myself a feminist (it’s not a dirty word, y’know), so it’s incredibly embarrassing for me that, without thinking about it, I equated a lack of self-restraint, and the inability to manage money, with being a woman. I suppose it has just been ingrained in me that women go out to shop, vainly buying fripperies, while men do not. Ouch.

I’m shocked at my own prejudice. Lloyds TSB issued their ’Family Savings Report’ last month. It showed that when women are in charge of household finances, 91% of families hold savings, whereas the figure goes down to 82% when men take on the role.

The report also showed that it is women, more often than men, who take charge of the household budget. 52% take control of making detailed future plans for savings and 54% pay day-to-day bills and keep track of spending.

So, do I have any excuse at all for my extremely un-feminist view that women shop and spend more than men?

Women certainly do have expenses that men do not. Biology plays its part (I’m thinking of everything from sanitary products to bras), but so do the demands of society. Haircuts, make-up, ever-changing fashions, handbags, nail varnish? Not things that every woman relishes spending her hard-earned cash on, but often bought out of a sense of simply having to do so, to keep up or fit in. Women’s magazines are forever promoting the “payday splurge”, reinforcing the notion that women cannot, or should not, get on top of their personal finance.

Increasingly, though, men are coming under pressure to look good, too. The fashion industry is starting to pay more attention to trends in menswear, and cosmetics advertising is beginning to target men more often.

Debates on the question of whether women’s lives are more expensive often suggest that men have other expenses that women do not, citing technology and cars. Perhaps I’m just being hyper-hypocritical here, but I find this argument extremely patronising. My iPad, smartphone and my gorgeous car, for example, are among my favourite possessions.

So, whose lives are more expensive? Or does it all even out in the wash?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below, or write on the Facebook wall.
Xxx